Dating in the Workplace: A Gap in Most Employee Handbook Policies

You might need more than 10 fingers to count how many people you know who met their future spouse at work. While these love stories are a blessing, they also can pose a risk.

“While we’d like to think that every dating couple has a successful ending, we know that’s not always true,” said Austin Krouse, corporate attorney for Brotherhood Mutual. “Issues of personal relationships, and even nepotism, at work can compromise the integrity of the ministry environment.”

Krouse said this is especially true in situations where:

A romantic relationship exists between a supervisor and a direct subordinate—an employee in the supervisor’s chain of command.
Situations where an employee reports directly to a relative.

Begin here. You can review our free sample policy: Personal Relationships at Work

A gap in ministry policies

You may already have a policy that addresses the hiring of family members, but most ministries don't address how to respond when two co-workers begin dating.

“The topic of personal relationships often is a gap in ministry employment handbooks, especially when it comes to dating between co-workers,” said Krouse. “Without a clear policy, a Christian organization is more prone to allegations of unethical or unfair workplace practices, especially when job role changes occur, whether that be filling a position, demotions, or promotions.”

Krouse said that these allegations can potentially escalate into issues of harassment, abuse, or discrimination. “While the nature of each relationship or allegation can differ significantly, having a clear policy can facilitate the necessary boundaries to preemptively manage and mitigate these situations effectively, ensuring they do not spiral out of control.”

The impact on financial resources and reputation. When a relationship goes south, one party can file a claim of sexual harassment, discrimination, or employment practices. The risk is greatest if the relationship involves a supervisor/direct subordinate hierarchy—such as between a ministry leader and an office worker—and can lead to a perceived power imbalance.

Reduce your risk. A comprehensive approach, such as keeping detailed personnel records, consistently applying policies, and having employment practices liability coverage in place, work together to help your protect your ministry and respond to claims.

Start your policy with a spiritual approach

Does that mean a ban on two co-workers dating? What if a supervisor and a direct subordinate ask for permission to date?

From a spiritual perspective, it’s about being above reproach. You are encouraged to include a policy in your organization’s handbook that clearly explains your organization’s position on personal relationships at work and how they will be addressed.

A personal relationship policy establishes guardrails that offer checks and balances. For example:

A reporting mechanism: Establish a confidential reporting pathway for employees to inform their supervisor(s) or HR if a personal relationship has developed.
At the staff level: Your policy may state that the two staff members report their relationship to their supervisor(s) or HR. The two may be allowed to work in the same department, but if they get engaged and married, one person will need to transfer to another department.
Between a supervisor and a direct subordinate: Consider implementing policies that discourage or prohibit relationships between supervisors and their direct reports due to potential power imbalances and conflicts of interest.
Document consent: Your policy might direct that individuals involved in a romantic relationship sign a consensual relationship agreement. This agreement should recognize the existence of the relationship, confirm its consensual nature, and delineate expectations for professional conduct in the workplace.

By stating your ministry’s position, a policy shows your staff and congregation that the integrity of your mission comes first. When enforced, it sets a standard that reflects well on your organization.

When crafting your policy, focus on your ministry’s unique dynamics that could make a workplace relationship problematic. Consider addressing the following elements in your Personal Conduct policy:

A definition of “personal relationship.”
Clear statement that the policy doesn’t prohibit but provides common sense practices.
A reporting structure of the relationship to leadership or a supervisor. Always err on the side of disclosure to avoid future misunderstanding.
A pathway of extra scrutiny if it’s a supervisor/employee relationship.
A process that protects sensitive information by controlling access.
Remediation path for perceived conflict or bias.

When relatives work together. Family connections can give rise to concerns about favoritism and confidentiality breaches—known as nepotism. A personal relationship policy can cover this topic, too. Consider reassignment so that relatives don’t work in the department, and one doesn’t report to the other. When in doubt, consult your organization’s legal counsel.

A well-written policy doesn’t prohibit

The goal of a policy isn't to prohibit relationships. “Instead, it provides appropriate guardrails that promote professionalism and transparency in the workplace,” said Krouse. “A policy also removes the appearance of favoritism, collusion, bias, ethics, or financial impropriety when personal relationships do develop.”

Be sure to have your policy reviewed by a locally licensed attorney. The legal team at Brotherhood Mutual can review your handbook policies through Legal Assist, a free service to Christian ministries. You can take advantage of the service even if you aren’t a customer.

Learn more about employment practices specific to Christian employers. Use our online guide, Working Together, to brush up on legal basic legal principles, complete a self-guided handbook review, find sample policies, and more.

Resources

Posted December 19, 2023.

The information provided in this article is intended to be helpful, but it does not constitute legal advice and is not a substitute for the advice from a licensed attorney in your area. We strongly encourage you to regularly consult with a local attorney as part of your risk management program.